With every beat it gives life, it sends oxygen that circulates to organs that most need it. The heart is amazing and that is why everything we do should be heart generated. IN so doing, it gives and brings life. When I decided to go back to medical school after 9 years of being out of academia, it was a scary thing. I left a “real job” with a real paycheck in order to become a student with student level pay. Some may think that this was a nutso move but I was not called to a REAL JOB, I was called to destiny as a healer. It takes courage to stop and re-evaluate and make a shift. It is not comfortable but were we created for comfort? Furthermore, it was a temporary discomfort anyhow.
My journey in becoming a physician and a board certified one was NOT easy, there were many tears, many fears, many sacrifices. If I did not have a clear vision of what I was called to do and know within my heart of hearts that this was the road to go down, then I would have folded. I would have quit. I would have settled. But with the vision manuscript in my hand, I wielded it like a sword; I cut through fear and doubt, and disappointment. You have to be sure of what you are called to do because, with this confidence, you move over boulders and use them as stepping stones rather than obstacles.
So search your heart, have a heart to heart with yourself. Listen. What do you hear? What do you dream of doing? What have you always loved? What do you do that you would do gratis? What gives you great joy? Spend some time reconnecting with yourself. When you get the answer, then jump right into it. Don’t let your fear and self-doubt talk you out of flowing from the heart.
She came in with shoulders hunched over. He was cheating on her. Again. 25 years. Same behavior.
Me: What are you going to do about it?
She shrugged her shoulders: Dunno
Me: Well are you happy with this situation?
Me: Then change it
And therein lies the dilemma. How do you take a situation where you are undervalued and abused and turn it around? How do you change that trajectory? Change has to start with some of these steps:
- Take Inventory: We need to locate ourselves in order to change the trajectory. If you don’t see a problem, then there is no solving it. Locate and admit that there is a problem. As best as you can, outline the problem. Own your part of it. Determine if the situation is serving you. If it’s not. Abort.
- Recognize your own value: It is sometimes hard for us to see just how awesome we are. I often wonder what lens we look through when we see ourselves. I find it difficult to focus and see things through scratched or deformed lens. Taking time to reflect on how we came to the conclusions we did about ourselves is a worthwhile activity. We do not have to accept everything that is offered to us. Recognizing and learning our value helps us reject offers that are cheap. Get a pen and paper and start writing, don’t censor your thoughts just focus on the awesome. Write. Write a new reality. Change your mind, change your life…truly.
- Change your self talk: What are you saying to yourself? Are you defeating yourself before giving yourself a fair chance? Would you be yourself’s best friend based on how you talk to yourself? As a man or woman thinks so is he or she….so yes your self talk is absolutely important. You become what you behold, so your talk to yourself has creative power. We manifest that we digest so please change your soliloquy.
- Change your circle: If we are in partnership or relationship with people who are not able to recognize our value, it is best to get away. Why? Try going on I94W while the person you are yolked with is going I94E. You will in fact get no place. The tension of dissonance will pull you away from your purpose. It stagnates. People project their own self worth on you and if within your circle there are those who don’t value themselves, guess what? They likely don’t value you either. Change circles. Associate with people who lift you up, build you up and honor the awesome in you. Be a person who lifts and builds others.
- Be brave: Walking away from the familiar takes courage but the freedom felt once the chains have loosened is invigorating. Sometimes we just have to jump and trust the parachute to open. We have to trust that we will land in a better place. No discoveries are made by the coward of heart.
The relationships that must change are our relationship with ourselves, life and God. If we truly know who we are in Christ, we would know that He thinks highly of us, that to accept anything other than His best for us is pride. Relationships with the world around us, our job, friends, partners, these relationships should also reflect God’s best for us. We settle too often and for too little. Take the step to elevate your relationship with God, yourself and thus your auxiliary relationships.
Months later, I heard she moved away. She had enough. The work we did finally paid off. She was able to see her value and thus rejected a value-negating relationship from a love stealer. Whether a person or a job, make a decision to go where you are appreciated, not tolerated or denigrated.